i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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