I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
