I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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