FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
