Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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