i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
