True but thats because hes a fetus.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize