It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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