i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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