I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
