Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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