Sry I called you an 8
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
