And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
