I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
