Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
