I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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