I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
