areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
