she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
