Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
