Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
