He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
