I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize