i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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