he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Randomize
