This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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