o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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