I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
