he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
