Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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