it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there is glitter all over my balls
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