I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
