every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
