I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
