seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
