I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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