if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
