I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
