If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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