Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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