If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
50% drunk capacity currently
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
