how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
