I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is my gift to your gina
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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