If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
