We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He passed out mid-signature
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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