I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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