i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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