Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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