do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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