This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
