i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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