Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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