there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
