i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
