Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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