I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
