I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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