they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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