Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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