i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
