Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
