this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
