Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
