i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just google imaged poop.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
