I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
