I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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