Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
