My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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