just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
