Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this beer tastes like vomit already
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
