it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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