life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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