im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
