Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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